When I pronounce the word Future,the first syllable already belongs to the past.
When I pronounce the word Silence, I destroy it.
When I pronounce the word Nothing,I make something no non-being can hold.
"Όταν γελάς κινδυνεύεις να περάσεις για χαζός"
"Όταν κλαις κινδυνεύεις να περάσεις για συναισθηματικός"
"Όταν ανοίγεσαι στον άλλο κινδυνεύεις να μπλεχτείς"
"Όταν εκδηλώνεις τα συναισθήματά σου κινδυνεύεις να δείξεις τον πραγματικό σου εαυτό"
"Όταν εκθέτεις τις ιδέες και τα όνειρά σου μπροστά στους άλλους κινδυνεύεις να χαρακτηριστείς αφελής"
"Όταν αγαπάς κινδυνεύεις να μην στο ανταποδώσουν"
"Όταν ζεις κινδυνεύεις να πεθάνεις"
"Όταν ελπίζεις κινδυνεύεις ν'απογοητευτείς κι όταν δοκιμάζεις κινδυνεύεις ν'αποτύχεις"
Ναι, αλλά πρέπει να ρισκάρεις γιατί ο μεγαλύτερος κίνδυνος στη ζωή είναι να μη ρισκάρεις τίποτε.
Ο άνθρωπος που δε ρισκάρει τίποτε, δεν κάνει τίποτε, δεν είναι τίποτε και δε γίνεται τίποτε. Μπορεί να αποφεύγει τον πόνο και τη λύπη όμως δε μπορεί να μάθει και να νιώσει και ν'αλλάξει και ν'αναπτυχθεί και να αγαπήσει και να ζήσει. Δεμένος με τις βεβαιότητες του, είναι ένας σκλάβος. Έχει παραιτηθεί από την ελευθερία του. Μόνο ο ανθρωπος που ρισκάρει είναι πραγματικά ελεύθερος.
~Λεο Μπουσκάλια-"Να ζεις, ν'αγαπάς και να μαθαίνεις"
Ξέρετε πως δεν πιστεύω ότι έχει καταφέρει ποτέ κανείς να διδάξει τίποτε σε κανέναν. Αμφισβητώ την αποτελεσματικότητα της διδασκαλίας. Το μόνο που ξέρω είναι ότι όποιος θέλει να μάθει θα μάθει. Και ίσως ο δάσκαλος είναι ένας διευκολυντής, κάποιος που απλώνει τα πράγματα μπροστά στους άλλους και τους λέει πόσο ενδιαφέρον και υπέροχο είναι αυτό που τους προσκαλεί να φάνε.
As we all know, communication is essential in society. Advancements in technology have transformed the way that we correspond with others in the modern world, yet when conversing face-to-face, it's not only speech we verbalize that matters. Body language is truly a language of its own. We all have quirks and habits that are uniquely our own. What does your body language say about you? And what can you learn about others by becoming aware of what some of the signs mean?
I thought it would be fun to list some of the well-known signs that body language experts study and recognize. It is said that when talking to a person the information that we receive can be broken down as:
10% from what the person actually says
40% from the tone and speed of voice
50% is from their body language.
Head
Lowering one's head can signal a lack of confidence. If someone lowers their head when complimented, they may be shy or timid
Touching or tugging at one's ear can indicate indecisiveness
Sincere smiles encompass the whole face (noticeable in the eyes)
A false smile usually only engages the lips
Tilting one's head can symbolize interest in something or someone
Overly tilted heads can be a sign of sympathy
Closing of eyes or pinching at the bridge of one's nose is often done when making a negative evaluation
When a listener nods, this is usually a positive message and relays that they are interested and paying attention
However, excessive nodding can imply that the listener has lost interest but doesn't want to be rude
Touching/rubbing one's nose may indicate doubtfulness or rejection of an idea
Sticking out one's chin toward another may show defiance
Resting a hand on one's cheek is often done if they are thinking or pondering; and stroking the chin can mean the person is trying to make a decision
Upper Body
Pushing back one's shoulders can demonstrate power and courage
Open arms means one is comfortable with being approached and willing to talk/communicate
Folded arms show that there is a sort of barricade between them and other people (or their surroundings) and indicate dissatisfaction
Resting one's arms behind their neck shows that they are open to what is being discussed and interested in listening more
Pointing one's finger can be construed as aggression or assertiveness
Touching the front of the neck can show that someone is interested and concerned about what another is saying
Hand movements that are upward & outward signify positive and open messages
Palms that are faced outwards towards another indicate one's wish to stop and not approach
If one's fingers are interlaced or if the finger tips are pressed together, it usually shows that a person is thinking and evaluating
If offering ideas to other people, many times the sides of one's palms are close together, with fingers extended
Lower Body
Putting your hands on your hips can show eagerness and readiness (also, at times, aggression)
Hips pushed forward, while leaning back can show that one feels powerful (also can be a suggestive gesture)
A wide stance - where one's feet are positioned far apart - signifies more power and dominance
When one sits with legs open and part, they might feel secure in their surroundings
Crossed legs can mean several things: relaxed/comfortable, or defensive - depending on how tense the leg muscles are
When you cross your legs towards another person, you are showing more interest in them than when they are crossed away in the other direction
A confident and powerful position is the "Figure of Four Cross" when one's ankle is atop the other leg's knee and the top leg is pointed sideways
Bouncing your foot if your legs are crossed can show that you are bored or losing patience
Eyes
The lowering of the eyes can convey fear, guilt or submission
Lowered eyebrows and squinted eyes illustrate an attempt at understanding what is being said or going on
A lack of confidence or apprehensiveness can be displayed when you don't look another person in the eyes
One tends to blink more often if nervous or trying to evaluate someone else
If you look directly into another person's eyes you are displaying self-assurance
Wide eyes show more of an interest in a subject or person
If you are irritated with a comment made by another during a conversation, a common movement is to take a quick glance sideways
Staring at someone can be an aggressive gesture or suggest that the one staring feels dominant
Recalling a memory is usually done by looking up and to the right
Looking directly upwards can indicate that one is thinking
Eye contact is normally broken if someone feels insulted by another
“He who depends on himself will attain the greatest happiness”
~Chinese Proverb
1. Know Yourself “Today you are you, that is truer than true. There is nobody else who is you-er than you.” ~Dr. Seuss
How many times have we heard “no one will love you until you learn to love yourself” or “nobody knows you the way you do”?
So get to know the right-now-real you, both the good and the bad, and own it. Write down your qualities, characteristics, values, strengths, and weaknesses. What makes you happy? What drives you crazy?
The good news is that if you don’t like certain aspects of yourself right now, you have it in your control to change that. But to change something you first have to know what you’re working with. So do some serious soul-searching and figure that out!
2. Discover who your idealized self is and start working towards that. “Open your eyes and look within. Are you satisfied with the life you’re living?”
~Bob Marley
The question we all got asked when we were little was “what do you want to be when you grow up?” Now the question is “WHO do you want to be when you grow up?” You’ve taken a good hard look at who you are in this moment, and now is the time to figure out what’s next.
Think of the “ideal you” and start doing the things that your idealized self would be doing. There was an article on Pick The Brain a while back entitled “How To Fake It Until You Make It” in which the author, David Wright, suggests that we imagine the qualities that your idealized self has (the work it takes) and start putting them into practice.
It’s time to stop playing make-believe and to start taking action! Let’s DO this!!! “You have brains in your head. You have feet in your shoes. You can steer yourself in any direction you choose. You’re on your own. And you know what you know. And YOU are the one who’ll decide where to go…”
~Dr. Seuss
3. Be Authentic “I’m not in this world to live up to your expectations and you’re not in this world to live up to mine.”
~Bruce Lee
Always be true to yourself. When working towards becoming your idealized self it’s important not to lose sight of who you are in favour of who you think you should be. Don’t compromise your values, morals, or true personality. Your individuality is important! Some people live their lives trying to be more like somebody else. My question to you is this: If you’re trying to be somebody else, who’s going to be you?
There may be certain things about yourself that you’d like to change or improve upon, but be absolutely sure that you make these adjustments for yourself and for your best interest. If you change anything in your life for the sake of someone else, and it’s not really what you want, you will only become resentful and unhappy.
To be truly authentic, one must rise above the crowd and be a true individual. Find your truth; a reason for which to live and die. “Few are those who can see with their own eyes and feel with their own hearts”
~Albert Einstein
4. Understand that you can only control yourself.
“When there are no enemies within, the enemies outside cannot hurt you”
~African Proverb
As I started my journey to being happy on purpose, I realized very quickly how little in my life was within my control. I had no power over other people; others will do, think, and feel what they want and there’s little I can do to change or even influence that. I could only manipulate my environment and the things that happened to me to a certain degree.
I started to wonder if I could control anything in my life at all and I realized that I can only control myself. More specifically I had control over my attitude and my reactions to what the world throws at me.
For example, if you lose the life of a loved-one, you are going to have feelings of grief and even despair or anger. You need the grieving process as a human being and part of being authentic is being true to your emotions; otherwise you are in denial of what you truly feel and want. You can, however, choose the attitude of “moving on” or choose to dwell on it. You can choose to react by lashing out to those around you and hiding in your room with nothing but your grief and anger for company. OR you could choose to spend time with people who will make you feel better or immerse yourself in a project or work to keep your mind off things until you start to heal.
The idea that you have such little control over life might be scary for some, but you can also choose to look at it as freeing yourself from worry. If I have no control over something, there’s no point worrying about it because I can’t change it anyways. If I have control over it then I can take action, and again I no longer have to worry because something’s being done! “If you don’t like something, change it. If you can’t change it, change your attitude.”
~Maya Angelou
5. Achieve balance in all things. “Before Enlightenment – chop wood, carry water. After Enlightenment – chop wood, carry water.”
~ Zen Buddhist Proverb
There is a Yin and Yang; everything has its opposite, and the key is harmony between them. For example you must strike a balance between selfishness and selflessness. Chose either extreme you will quickly find yourself unhappy. If you always give to others you end up being useless to everyone because no one will take care of you for you, and a person who never gives to anyone will live a lonely and unfulfilling life.
The same can be said for striking a balance between your emotions and your logic. Are you being true to your emotions (giving them validation) or are you totally absorbed in them (giving them control)? Your logic and your emotions should work together to guide you in a balanced and healthy way of living.
6. Learn to let go.
Learn to let go of the things that are not within your control or that happened in the past. Instead embrace and work on your self-control and self-esteem. You will be more at peace with yourself and can then enjoy life despite what the world throws at you.
Ask yourself “How is this working for me?” Does it help you to feel sad or angry all the time? Is it productive and useful when you lash out when someone or something upsets you? Is it healthy to become obsessed about an issue, person, or event that you have no control over in the first place?
To let go is to fear less and love more. It means knowing that you can’t do it for someone else, that you have no control over another, and that the outcome is not in your hands. Letting go is making the most of yourself, not blaming another or trying to change them. It means caring aboutsomeone, not caring for them, and allowing another to make mistakes and be a human being. To let go is not to regret the past but to grow and live for the future. “If things start happening, don’t worry, don’t stew; just go right along and you’ll start happening too.”
~Dr. Seuss
7. Give your life meaning and actively seek your inspiration. “Love the life you live. Live the life you love.”
~Bob Marley
So many of us go around searching for the meaning of life or waiting for inspiration when really it’s within ourselves and up to us – no one will do this for you!
While at the Woman’s Leadership Conference I had the privilege of listening to our guest speaker, Canadian Olympic Gold Medalist, Clara Hughes. She shared with us that she suffers from Clinical Depression and that sometimes she gets so down in the dumps that she forces herself to ACTIVELY seek her inspirations. Clara stated that inspiration hardly ever just falls on your lap and that if you need it you have to go and find it for yourself.
Don’t look for the meaning of life; instead give your life meaning! One way that I did this for myself was by becoming a “mother” to something – I got a dog. His name is Charlie, and he’s been such a blessing for me. We’ve worked really hard on establishing a good relationship and I’ve learnt a lot being a “Pack Leader” for him. In doing what was good for Charlie (teaching him commands, working on his walking habits, regular grooming, giving him lots of love and work for him to do) I also became a better person. I learned to be more patient, how to be more assertive, and have become more active.
So go out there and find your meaning! Get inspired! Join a not-for-profit group, volunteer, get a pet, become a Big Sister or Brother, and go to some self-improvement or awareness workshops. Invest in yourself and you’ll soon reap the rewards of being content and feeling productive in your life.
8. Focus on the positive. “There are two ways to live; you can live as if nothing is a miracle; you can live as if everything is a miracle”
~Albert Einstein
The expression “everything happens for a reason” annoys and upsets some people because it suggests that your path is predetermined and that The Fates or God is in charge of your life. The idea that a child dying of cancer, for example, is meant-to-be is frustrating and unfair; but the reality of it is that you have no control over your outside world. So I choose to think “in everything I have to find my own reason”. Instead of asking “why did this happen to me?” I ask myself “What positive thing can I find in this?” By focusing on the positive of any situation (and trust me if you look hard enough you’ll find it) I help keep myself positive and happy.
The good wouldn’t be as sweet without the bitterness of the bad. You go through the tough times to strengthen you for the excruciating ones to come. It’s in experiencing these tough times where you will truly be able to live with gratitude for what you have that is good. “Some people feel the rain. Others just get wet.”
~Bob Marley
9. Surround yourself with like-minded people. “A man should choose a friend who is better than himself. There are plenty of acquaintances in the world; but very few real friends”
~Chinese Proverb
Change is never easy. It’s even more difficult if the people you choose to spend time with aren’t the “right people”. Just ask someone who’s had to kick a bad habit (smoking, drinking, drugs, junk food, etc.) what it’s like being around people who haven’t quit or cut back yet. It’s easy to fall back into your old habits because they come with a certain comfort. It’s the same when you’re trying to be positive and happy and surrounding yourself with people who are negative and miserable. Misery loves company right?
So surround yourself, instead, with people in whose presence you feel optimistic, happy, and vibrant. If you can’t think of one person in your life that meets this standard it’s probably a good sign that you need to find new people!
I’ve had to “weed out” people who I thought were my friends – these were the people who always seem to be gossiping, talking about negative things, and focusing on the downside of every situation. I learned to be picky about the people I spend time with and limit the amount of time and energy I spend with those who tend to be toxic to my well-being. And no, it wasn’t fun or easy doing this, but it was worthwhile because they were just bringing me down.
Sit down and write out two lists for yourself – on one side write down the names of people who give you good energy and on the other side write down those who more often take your energy. Then try to steer clear of those who drain you and make an effort to spend more time with those who motivate you and are positive. “Be who you are and say what you feel because those who mind don’t matter and those who matter won’t mind.”
~Dr. Seuss
10. Keep going “If you can’t fly then run, if you can’t run then walk, if you can’t walk then crawl, but whatever you do you have to keep moving forward.” ~ Martin Luther King Jr.
I was watching Firefly (2002-2003 TV series) and there was a saying that a few soldiers shared that was an even better version (I think anyway) of the Martin Luther King Jr. quote: “When you can’t run, you crawl. And when you can’t crawl you find someone to carry you”.
Sometimes you can’t do it on your own. But you can’t just stop either. I went and talked to my doctor about my depression when it got so bad that nothing I did seemed to make a difference. I talked to my friends and family about it and found support and love when I did. I got the help I needed when I could no longer do it on my own and it’s made all the difference in the world.
I’m proud to announce that I am doing much better now. I know what makes me happy and I do it for myself. I am purposely happy every day, even when it’s rainy and cold and everything seems to be going wrong. “Life is like riding a bicycle. To keep your balance you must keep moving”
~Albert Einstein
Ο πλανήτης Γη υπάρχει εδώ και 4.600 εκατομμύρια χρόνια περίπου.
Αν μετατρέψει κανείς το ασύλληπτο αυτό χρονικό διάστημα σε μια κατανοητή τάξη μεγέθους, τότε η Γη μπορεί να συγκριθεί με έναν άνθρωπο 46 ετών. Για τα πρώτα 7 χρόνια της ζωής του δεν είναι τίποτα γνωστό. Και ενώ για τα μετέπειτα χρόνια υπάρχουν απλά κάποιες αποσπασματικές πληροφορίες, γνωρίζουμε πως η Γη μόλις στην ηλικία των 42 χρόνων άρχισε να ανθεί.
Οι δεινόσαυροι και τα μεγάλα ερπετά εμανίστηκαν ακριβώς ένα χρόνο πριν, όταν δηλαδή ο άνθρωπος ήταν 45 ετών. Τα θηλαστικά μόλις πριν 8 μήνες. Στα μέσα της προηγούμενης εβδομάδας μεταβλήθηκαν οι ανθρωπόμορφοι πίθηκοι σε πιθηκόμορφους ανθρώπους και το τελευταίο Σαββατοκύριακο μπήκε η Γη στην εποχή των παγετώνων.
Ο σημερινός άνθρωπος υπάρχει εδώ και 4 ώρες. Κατα τη διάρκεια της προηγούμενης ώρας έμαθε να καλλιεργεί το έδαφος και πριν από ένα λεπτό άρχισε η βιομηχανική επανάσταση. Στα τελευταία 60 δευτερόλεπτα ο σύγχρονος άνθρωπος κατάφερε να μετατρέψει τη Γη από παράδεισο σε σκουπιδότοπο.
Πολλαπλασιάσθηκε ο ίδιος σε κλίμακα επιδημίας, προκάλεσε την εξαφάνιση 500 ζωικών ειδών, βγήκε στο διάστημα για να αναζητήσει πρώτες ύλες και τώρα στέκεται σαν ένα ανόητο παιδί μπροστά στις επιπτώσεις που προκάλεσε η μετέωρη άνοδός του, στο χείλος ενός πολέμου, που θα σημάνει το τέλος όλων των πολέμων και την καταστροφή της όασης της ζωής στο ηλιακό σύστημα.
But this had been a sin of passion, not of principle, nor even purpose. ~Nathaniel Hawthorne, The Scarlet Letter
In music the passions enjoy themselves. ~Friedrich Nietzsche, Beyond Good and Evil, 1886
Gravitation is not responsible for people falling in love. ~Albert Einstein
Sometimes we make love with our eyes. Sometimes we make love with our hands. Sometimes we make love with our bodies. Always we make love with our hearts. ~Author Unknown
Lots of people want to ride with you in the limo, but what you want is someone who will take the bus with you when the limo breaks down. ~Oprah Winfrey
Lucid dreaming is simply when you know you're dreaming. Once you know what's going on you can twist the dream around so you're in control.
Lucid dreams have always come naturally to me and I didn't realize how much trouble people actually have trying to get them. I'll try telling you some tricks of my own here plus some others I've found along the way.
I used to take a 10 minute nap on my work bench every day during lunch break at work for about 2 years. Taking myself into a lucid dream for those few minutes kept me happy and awake for the rest of the afternoon. I think the factory noises helped keep me half awake and it was during those times that I kind of perfected the technique - it'll never be perfect, but better.
Lucid dreams are easier in the morning
The best time to have a lucid dream is usually around 5:00-8:00am just as you're beginning to wake up. During this time, you may notice that your dream doesn't seem like real life. You might even realize you're dreaming. As soon as you're able to tell that it's a dream, you take control of it. If it's a nightmare, you turn around and face the monster and tell yourself that it's only a dream and nothing can hurt you. The nightmare usually ends just like that. If you can keep yourself from waking up, this is, according to Dr. Bruce Goldberg, "an excellent way for the novice to establish a lucid dream."
Learning to control your lucid dreams
In order to remain in a lucid dream, you have to be able to control the fine line between sleep and awake. This is the same with out-of-body experiences, and according to some people, lucid dreams are all OBE's. If you become too excited during a lucid dream - you will wake up. If you start to lose control - the dream state takes over and you're lost to sleep. Learning to keep this balance is crucial and can be hard to learn. I still have times where I'm enjoying something so much I wake up and ruin it. If you're lucky you can go back into the dream where you left off, but it doesn't always happen.
The trick is to know that you're dreaming - but leave it at that. If you start wondering which position your body is in or if you're talking and moving in your sleep, you get drawn back to the waking world. Just know you're dreaming and leave it at that. Sounds easy, but it can be hard sometimes.
Warming up in your waking hours
If you start asking yourself throughout the day, "Is this a dream?" eventually you will start to think the same thing in your dreams. This is one way to attain them.
Another way to easily convert a regular dream into a lucid one is to notice the strange, dream-like qualitiees. Wierd places, people, and actions can easily be noticed. As soon as you begin to question the reality of it all, you'll know you're dreaming. Again, it sounds so easy...
You can also keep telling yourself that you will remain lucid for your dreams. This technique works with many things - not just dreaming. The more you tell yourself you will do something, the more likely you are to do it. Before bed repeat over and over "I will know when I'm dreaming" or something else just as cheesey and eventually it will happen. It may happen that night or it could take weeks for it to work. If you keep at it and try everything, and you really want it to happen, it will work for you.
Inducing a lucid dream before sleeping
To induce lucid dreaming as you fall asleep is harder. I've found that, like stated above, trying to take a nap with noise around you is a good way but I'm one of the lucky people who can sleep during anything. I spent 11 years growing up in a house where my neighbour had a runway light on his lawn. The planes flew directly above my house! Remember that scene from Wayne's World??
Ok, Doug! Get on with it!
OK OK OK! Sorry, again.
Where was I? Oh yeah. As you're falling asleep, visualize a certain place or object. I use this technique for OBE's but have 2 different focuses. When I'm trying to induce a lucid dream, I picture myself going over a very hilly road. It's just hill after hill and nothing but grass on either side of the road. Sometimes I'm flying, other times I'm on some kind of single person roller coaster, but either way this is my technique. OBE's get the visual number countdown technique but I won't get into that here.
The main point is that I'm picturing something to keep my mind awake as my body falls asleep. Carlos Castaneda was instructed by his shaman mentor Don Juan to picture his hands. As soon as his hands appeared in his dream, he would know he was dreaming.
Use a method that works for you
I think using someone else's method is good only if you get it to work for yourself. If you're having no luck getting it to work, try imagining a made-up place of your own. This could be your favourite thinking place as a kid or just some deserted island you think would be a great place to be. As soon as you find yourself in there, you automatically know you're dreaming and can go from there.
If you're trying the flying technique, remember that this will usually fill you with a huge sense of joy. Flying is not normal in our physical lives (obviously) and there's a good chance that the excitement of it will cause you to wake. I love flying dreams so much that I think I'm used to it enough to remain lucid - it all takes practice. By learning to fly in your dreams, you will also learn to fly better in your OBE's.
Sleeping with the Stars??
As for the benefits of lucid dreaming, I will again refer to Dr. Bruce Goldberg. In his book, Dream Your Problems Away, he writes:
One of the great advantages of lucid dreaming is that anything is possible. You can design any scenario you please. Imagine the pleasure and enjoyment potential of the following possiblities:
Communicate with departed loved ones.
Solve any current or future problem.
Brainstorm creative ideas.
Fly anywhere in the universe.
Experience any type of positive emotion or existential paradigm.
Ένα κοριτσάκι, παρακολουθώντας για πρώτη φορά ένα γάμο, ψιθυρίζει στην μητέρα του :
- " Γιατί η νύφη φοράει λευκά ; "
- " Γιατί το λευκό είναι το χρώμα της χαράς και σήμερα είναι η πιο χαρούμενη μέρα της ζωής της ! " , απαντάει η μητέρα της , όσο πιο απλά μπορούσε.
Το κοριτσάκι μετά από λίγη σκέψη , λέει :
- " Τότε ο γαμπρός γιατί φοράει μαύρα ; "
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Είναι λοιπόν ένας τύπος σε ένα ταξί , οπότε θέλει να πει κάτι στον ταξιτζή . Όπως είναι από πίσω του λοιπόν , κάνει λίγο μπροστά και τον χτυπάει ευγενικά στον ώμο με τα δάχτυλα . Ο ταξιτζής τρελαίνεται ! Χάνει τον έλεγχο του αυτοκινήτου , πέφτει πάνω σε ένα σκουπιδοτενεκέ , ανεβαίνει στο πεζοδρόμιο , περνάει ξυστά από μία γριούλα , και σταματάει λίγα εκατοστά μπροστά από μία βιτρίνα σε ένα μαγαζί . Γυρίζει στον πελάτη έξαλλος και του λέει :
" Μα είσαι τρελός ; Κόντευα να πάθω καρδιακή προσβολή ! "
" Μα κύριε , απλά σας ακούμπησα λίγο στον ώμο για να σας μιλήσω ! "
" Χμ .. Ναι , ξέρετε , δίκιο έχετε , αλλά είναι η πρώτη μέρα που δουλεύω ταξιτζής . Τα τελευταία είκοσι πέντε χρόνια οδηγούσα νεκροφόρα ! "
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Ένας παπάς κι ένας καλόγερος στέκονται στην άκρη του δρόμου κρατώντας ένα
πανώ που γράφει:
"Το τέλος είναι κοντά. Αλλάξτε δρόμο πριν να είναι πολύ αργά!"
Περνάει το πρώτο αυτοκίνητο κι ο οδηγός του βγάζει το κεφάλι έξω απ το
παράθυρο και φωνάζει:
-Τραβάτε σπίτια σας μουρλοπαπάδες, και πατάει γκάζι .
Δεν περνάνε 5 δευτερόλεπτα και ακούγεται φρενάρισμα και στο τέλος ένα
τρομερό τρακάρισμα, οπότε γυρίζει ο παπάς στον καλόγερο και λέει:
-Ρε συ, μήπως θα έπρεπε να γράψουμε καλύτερα: "Προσοχή, πεσμένη γέφυρα";
«Ο έρως και η λογική μοιάζουν με τον ήλιο και το φεγγάρι. Όταν ανατέλλει το ένα, δύει το άλλο.» ~Κικερων
«Οι ευτυχισμένοι θα πρέπει να ξέρουν πως όσο πιο γεμάτο είναι ένα ποτήρι, τόσο πιο εύκολα χύνεται.» ~Μαρκ Τουέιν
«Η αμφιβολία είναι περισσότερο σκληρή απ’ την χειρότερη αλήθεια.» ~Μολιέρος
«Η ζωή, είτε ευτυχισμένη, είτε δυστυχισμένη, τυχερή ή άτυχη, είναι το μόνο αγαθό που έχει ο άνθρωπος κι αυτός που δεν αγαπάει τη ζωή είναι ανάξιος να ζει.» ~Τζιοβάνι Τζιάκομο Καζανόβα
«Μια γυναίκα μπορεί να γίνει φίλη με έναν άντρα μόνο σε τρία στάδια: πρώτο, γνωστή – δεύτερο, ερωμένη – και μόνο μετά φίλη.»
Ήταν ένας παπάς και πνιγόνταν στην θάλασσα και περνάει ένα καράβι:
- Παπά, έλα, πιάσε το σωσίβιο να σωθείς.
- Όχι, τέκνον μου, δεν χρειάζεται, εμένα θα με σώσει ο Θεός, λέει ο παπάς.
Περνάει άλλο καράβι:
- Έλα, παπά, να σε σώσουμε! Θα πνιγείς!
- Όχι, τέκνον μου, δεν χρειάζεται, εμένα θα με σώσει ο Θεός, λέει πάλι ο παπάς.
Περνάει τρίτο καράβι:
- Παπά, έλα να σε σώσουμε!
- Όχι, τέκνον μου, δεν χρειάζεται, εμένα θα με σώσει ο Θεός, λέει ξανά ο παπάς.
Με αυτά και με αυτά ο παπάς πνίγεται, πάει στον παράδεισο και λέει στον Θεό:
- Περίμενα να με σώσεις, και εσύ τίποτα!
- Ρε μαλάκα, τρία καράβια σου έστειλα να σε σώσουνε, και εσύ με έγραψες!
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- Τι είπε η Εύα στον Αδάμ;
- Μωρό μου; Να σου καθαρίσω ένα μηλαράκι;
- Τι είπε το 0 στο 8;
- Μπα, μπα, βάλαμε και ζωνούλα;
- Τι είπε η Πηνελόπη στον Οδυσσέα;
- "Και μην τολμήσεις να έρθεις αν δεν μου βρεις την ενυδατική κρέμα που σου είπα."
Όταν ο παππούς μου ήταν νέος, η νεκρά θάλασσα ήταν ακόμα άρρωστη.
- Τι ζυγίζει τέσσερις τόνους και σιγά-σιγά από γκρι γίνεται κόκκινο;
- Ένας ελέφαντας που κρατάει την αναπνοή του!
- Τι είπε μητέρα του Πόντιου Πιλάτου στο γιo της;
- "Αντε τελείωνε! Πλύνε τα χέρια σου και έλα να φας πριν κρυώσει το φαγητό."
- Πώς λέγεται το νεκροταφείο στα Τούρκικα;
- Ψοφίμ μπαξέ.
- Πώς λέγεται η πεταλούδα στα τούρκικα;
- Εμπριμέ κουνούπ!
- Τι πετάει και βρομάει;
- Το σπουργυφτάκι!!
- Τι βρήκαν ένας τράγος και ένα ελάφι στον πάτο ενός πηγαδιού;
- Τραγελαφικό θάνατο!
- Τι βρίσκεται πιο πάνω από τον Πήτερ Πάν;
- Ο Πήτερ παραπάν.
- Τι τρώει ένας κανίβαλος όταν νηστεύει;
- Ψαράδες και γεωργούς!
- Πες μου ένα όνομα που αρχίζει από ωμέγα.
- Ωμέγας Αλέξανδρος!
- Γιατί οι ελέφαντες είναι μεγάλοι, χοντροί και γκρίζοι;
- Γιατί αν ήταν μικροί, λεπτοί και άσπροι θα τους μπερδεύαμε με τις ασπιρίνες!
- Πώς λέγονται δύο ίδια κουνούπια;
- Κουνουπίδια!
- Ποιο είναι το αντίθετο του πείθω;
- Mπροθτά.
- Γιατί ο Μπάτμαν έχει πολλά λεφτά;
- Επειδή πιάνει συνέχεια τον Τζόκερ.
- Γιατί τα λιοντάρια έχουν μακριά μαλλιά;
- Ξέρετε εσείς κανένα κουρέα που να θέλει να τα κουρέψει;
- Πώς λέγεται ο Κόκοτας στα αγγλικά;
- Chi-chicken!
- Ποιο είναι το πιο δύσκολο μουσικό όργανο;
- Η φλογέρα, γιατί πρέπει να προσέχεις και τα πρόβατα.
- Γιατί η πριγκίπισσα δεν παντρεύτηκε το βασιλόπουλο;
- Γιατί τα έφτιαξε με το Σκλαβενίτη!
- Πώς λέγεται αυτό που αρχίζει από Φ τελειώνει σε Σ και έχει ένα γράμμα;
- Φάκελος!
- Πώς λένε οι ανθρωποφάγοι έναν άνθρωπο που τρέχει;
- Fast-food!
- Τι είναι ταυτόχρονα πολύ έξυπνο και πολύ χαζό;
- Το σπιρτόκουτο.
- Πώς λέγεται το φιλί που σκοτώνει;
- Κιλκίς!
- Γιατί ένας κόκορας φτάνει στην άκρη ενός γκρεμού και δεν πηδάει;
- Γιατί κατά βάθος, είναι κότα.
- Ποιο ζώο πηδάει ψηλότερα από ένα σπίτι;
- Όλα. Τα σπίτια δεν πηδάνε!
- Γιατί η Πίτσα Παπαδοπούλου δε παντρεύτηκε τον Χάρη Ρώμα;
- Για να μην τη λένε Pizza Roma!
- Τι είναι μια φακή πάνω σε μια άλλη φακή;
- Φακοί επαφής!
- Πώς ένας μαθηματικός κόβει ένα δέντρο;
- Το υψώνει στο τετράγωνο και φεύγει η ρίζα!
- Πώς ένας μαθηματικός πλένει 100 πιάτα;
- Πλένει ένα και τα άλλα ομοίως!
- Τι λέει το 0 στο 6;
- Σου πετάει μια τρίχα.
- Πώς λένε τον dj φίλο του Asterix;
- In the mix!
- Πως λέγεται ο αδερφός του Μίκη Θεοδωράκη;
- Γκούφη Θεοδωράκη!
- Τι είναι γκρι, ογκώδες και πηδάει ψηλά κάθε δέκα δευτερόλεπτα;
- Ένας ελέφαντας με λόξιγκα!
- Τι κάνει ένας σκαντζόχοιρος πάνω σ' έναν άλλο;
- Βελονισμό!
- Τι είναι πράσινο και μετακινείται πηδώντας;
- Το αγγουρώ!
- Η γυναίκα του Ιούδα τι του είπε;
- "Μωρό μου, είδα έναν υπέροχο χιτώνα. Μόνο τριάντα αργύρια!"
- Τι είπε η Εύα Μπράουν το 1940 στο Χίτλερ;
- "Τζουτζούκο μου αυτά τα σαπουνάκια Μασσαλίας μου ξηραίνουν το δέρμα και δεν κάνουν αφρό!"
- Τι είπε η Μήδεια στον άντρα της;
- "Αν πεινάσεις, έχει φαγητό στο φούρνο. Εγώ και τα παιδιά θα αργήσουμε."
- Είναι δύο κρουασάν σε ένα μπαρ. Ποιό από τα δύο θα κεράσει;
- Το κρουασάν κεράσι!
- Ειναι 4 κρουασάν και παίζουν πόκερ. Ποιό από τα τέσσερα θα κερδίσει;
- Το κρουασάν Με-ρέντα!
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Πώς απαντούν διάφοροι άνθρωποι σε καιρούς αναδουλειάς,
όταν τους τεθεί η ερώτηση "από δουλειά πώς πάει;" :
Μανάβης: Κολοκύθια
Αγρότης: Ζήσε Μάη μου να φας τριφύλλι
Ανθοπώλης: Μαρασμός στο επάγγελμα
Υφασματέμπορος: Είμαι πανί με πανί
Ψαράς: Ούτε λέπι
Φαρμακοποιός: Με το σταγονόμετρο
Ηλεκτρολόγος: Δε βλέπω φως
Υδραυλικός: Μούφα η δουλειά
Έμπορος χαλιών : Χάλια
Κομμωτής: Τρίχες
Ψιλικατζής: Ψιλοπράγματα
Νεκροθάφτης: Ψόφια πράματα
Βοθρατζής: Σκατά
Συζητούν τέσσερις φίλοι σχετικά με το ποιο επάγγελμα τρώει το πιο πολύ κέρατο.Λέει ο πρώτος: "Εγώ πιστεύω ότι είναι οι στρατιωτικοί, γιατί λείπουν πάρα πολλές ώρες από το σπίτι".
Λέει ο δεύτερος: "Εγώ πιστεύω ότι είναι οι γιατροί. Με τις διανυκτερεύσεις και τα επείγοντα, λείπουν περισσότερες ώρες."
Λέει ο τρίτος: "Παιδιά, οι ναυτικοί είναι. Με τόσα ταξίδια, μπορεί να λείπουν και μήνες."
Εν τω μεταξύ, ο τέταρτος κάθεται ζαρωμένος στη γωνιά του και δεν μιλάει. Τον κοιτάνε οι άλλοι και του λένε: "Καλά ρε, τι έχεις και είσαι έτσι;" "Τι να έχω ρε παιδιά; Είμαι Στρατιωτικός Γιατρός του Πολεμικού Ναυτικού!"
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Πάει ένας γέρος 97 χρονών στο ασφαλιστήριο και λέει στον ασφαλιστή:
- "Καλημέρα παιδί μου. Θα ήθελα να κάνω μια ασφάλεια ζωής."
Απορημένος ο ασφαλιστής, ρωτάει:
- "Συγγνώμη για την αδιακρισία, αλλά την θα την κάνετε την ασφάλεια ζωής;"
- "Ξέρεις παιδί μου, θα ταξιδέψω με τον πατέρα μου στην Ευρώπη."
Ακόμη πιο απορημένος ο ασφαλιστής, ρωτάει:
- "Και πάλι συγγνώμη, αλλά πόσο χρονών είναι ο πατέρας σας;"
- "127."
- `127; Και τι θα κάνετε στην Ευρώπη;"
Απαντάει ο παππούς:
- "Θα πάμε στον γάμο του παππού μου."
Σοκαρισμένος πια ο ασφαλιστής, ρωτάει:
- "Και πόσο χρονών είναι ο παππούς σας;"
- "Είναι...Α! 150."
Και ο ασφαλιστής, περιμένοντας να ακούσει ο,τιδήποτε πια, ρωτάει:
- "Μα καλά, του παππού σας σ`αυτήν την ηλικία του ήρθε να παντρευτεί;"
- "Μαλακίες μωρέ, τον πιέζουν οι γονείς του!"
You step into a bright, open courtyard surrounded by striped tents.
Curving pathways along the perimeter lead away from the courtyard, turning into unseen mysteries dotted with twinkling lights.
There are vendors traversing the crowd around you, selling refreshments and oddities, creations flavored with vanilla and honey, chocolate and cinnamon.
A contortionist in a sparkling black costume twists on a platform nearby, bending her body into impossible shapes.
A juggler tosses globes of black and white and silver high into the air, where they seem to hover before falling again into his hands, his attentive spectators applauding.
All bathed in glowing light.
The light emanates from a large bonfire in the center of the courtyard.
As you walk closer, you can see that it sits in a wide black iron cauldron, balanced on a number of clawed feet. Where the rim of cauldron would be, it breaks into long strips of curling iron, as though it has been melted and pulled apart like taffy. The curling iron continues up until it curles back into itself, weaving in and out amongst the other curls, giving it the case-like effec. The flames are visible in the gasp between and rising slightly above. They are obscured only at the bottom, so it is impossible to tell what is burning, if it is wood or coal or something else entirely.
The flames are not yellow or orange, but white as snow as they dance.
With your ticket in hand, you follow a continuous line of patron into the circus, watching the rhythmic motion of the black-and-white clock as you wait.
Beyond the ticket booth the only way forward is through a heavy striped curtain. One by one each person passes through it, vanishing from sight.
When it's your turn, you pull back the fabric and step forward, only to be engulfed by darkness as the curtain closes again.
It takes your eyes a few moments to adjust, and then tiny dots of light begin appearing like stars, lining the dark wals in front of you.
And while moments before you were so close to your fellow cicusgoers that you could have touched them, now you are alone as you feel your way tentatively forward through a mazelike tunnel.
The tunnel twists and turns, the tiny lights providing the only illumination. You have no way of discerning how far you have gone or which direction you are moving in.
Finally you reach another curtain. Fabric that feels as soft as velvet beneath your hands parts easily when you touch it.
The circus arrives without warning.
No announcements precede it, no paper notices on downtown posts and billboards, no mention or advertisments in local newspapers. It is simply there, when yesterday it was not.
The towering tents are striped in white and black, no golds and crimsons to be seen. No color at all, save for the neightboring trees and the grass of the surrounding fields. Black-and-white, painted or powdered, or treated with some other circus trick.
But it is not open for bussiness. Not just yet.
Within hours everyone in town has heard about it. By afternoon the news has spread several towns over. Word of mouth is a more effective method of advertisment than typeset words and exclamation points on paper pamphlets or posters. It is impressive and ususual news, the sudden appearance of a mysterious circus. People marvel at the staggering height of the tallest tents. They stare at the clock that sits just inside the gates that no one can properly describe.
And the black sign painted in white letters that hangs upon the gates, the one that reads:
Open at Nightfall
Closes at Dawn
"What kind of circus is only open at night?" people ask. No one has a proper answer, yet as dusk approaches there is a substantial crowd of spectators gathering outside the gates.
You are amongst themm, of course. Your curiosity got the better of you, as curiosity is wont to do. You stand in the fading light, the scarf around your neck pulled up against the chilly evening breeze, waiting to see for yourself exactly what kind of circus only opens once the sun sets.
The ticket booth clearly visible behind the gates is closed and barred. The tents are still, save for when they ripple ever so slightly in the wind. The only movement within the circus is the clock that ticks by the passing minute, if such a wonder of sculpture can even be called a clock.
The circus looks abandoned and empty. But you think perhaps you can smell caramel wafting through the evening breeze, beneath the crisp scent of the autumn leaves. A subtle sweetness at the edges of the cold.
The sun disappears completely beyond the horison, and the remaining luminosity shifts from dusk to twilight. The people around you are growing restless from waiting, a sea of shuffling feet, murmuring about abandoning the endeavor in search of someplace warmer to pass the evening. You yourself are debating when it happens.
First there is a popping sound. It is barely audible over the wind and conversation. A soft noise like a kettle about to boil for tea. Then comes the light.
All over the tents, small lights begin to flicker, as though the entire of the circus is covered in particularly bright fireflies. The waiting crowd quiets as it watches this display of illumination. Someone near you gasps. A small child claps his hands with glee at the sight.When the tents are all aglow, sparkling against the night sky, the sign appears.
Stretched across the top of the gates, hidden in curls of iron, more firefly-like lights flicker to life. They pop as they brighten, some accompanied by a shower of glowing white sparks and a bit of smike. The people nearest to the gates take a few steps back.
At first, it is only a random pattern of lights. But as more of them ignite, it becomes clear that they aligned in scripted letters. First a C is distinguishable, followe by more letters. A q, oddly, and several e's. When the final bulb pops alight, and the smoke and sparks dissipate, it is finally legible, this elaborate incandescent sign. Leaning to your left to gain a better view, you can see that it reads:
Le Cirque des Rêves
Some in the crowd smile knowingly, while others frown and look questiongly at their neighbors. A child near you tugs on her mother's sleeve, begging to know what it says.
"The City of Dreams", comes the reply. The girl smiles delightedly.
Then the iron gates shudder and unlock, seemingly by their own volition. They swing outward, inviting the crowd inside.
